Lil Miss Fitness Freak

"And though she be but little, she is fierce"


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Emotionally Numb..TOL

Are you one of those people who knows something big is happening soon but don’t really feel it until the day of?

When that day comes, its like a bomb exploded instead of being a slow burning flame that will quietly simmer and then just fizzle out.

Sound dramatic?

As my undergrad comes to a close (2nd one, yay for year 7 of post-highschool schooling…) I have been pondering a lot of things lately, yet I feel almost unattached to the emotions I feel they should be associated with.

…maybe that is my first problem…overthinking..

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I’m leaving my housemates. I know I’m going to cry the day of, I know it. I love these two girls and for now I just think that them leaving hasn’t hit me yet. I swear I have feelings..

I’m moving in with new housemates. I have met one of them and she’s so sweet and just like me in the sense that she appears to me like an ‘older soul’ and one who gets stuff done and is a respective and responsible person.

I have to go back home and work inside all summer long. I think this is the one that I have been the most vocal about. My job last summer was a dream. I spend my days outside, I did my research at night and I was the most relaxed I had ever been I felt. this was a true blessing because I was sick (Read: infested without knowing it) at the time and although I was struggling with it, I don’t know how bad it would have gotten if I hadn’t have been so free and care-free.

I’m having to leave my second family (my gym fam) for the whole summer because I have to go home. This may seem silly to many of you, but I feel a certain ‘place’ there. I’m known and I just feel at home there. My friends are there. Friends who share my interests and can gab for days about all the things I love. My people live and breathe there just like me. It may only be for 4 months, but its just another thing I’m leaving…

My Masters is apparently going to be a crazy time. From placements to my masters, I have so much to do in a whole 3 semesters and I weirdly feel calm. I’m excited for my placements but I know that so much change is about to occur and at this point and ‘calmness’ I don’t know how the initial days are going to fare with such a change to my normal scheduling.

….After my Masters, life hits you like a bag of bricks….

WsdVIzM

Should I think about where I want to live as an adult?

How am I going to afford a place to live when I’m done. I’m not going back home right? I can’t, I just can’t. But a place…On my own…Am I ready for that? Can I even think about affording that?

I don’t even know how to do my own taxes for gods sake!

And all I have to say for myself at the moment is I feel nothing. I’m not sad. I’m not worried and I’m not (consciously at least) anxious about it.

That in itself makes me worried because when it all hits me, I don’t know how I’m going to react. That is a lot of change. And I, mentally and physically (heres pointing at your stomach of hell), don’t do well with change.

How do I prepare if I feel nothing?

Am I somehow able to suppress all feelings because I’m overwhelmed with all the change that is imminent? 

I dunno.

I guess for now I need to just continue to focus on my exams and when two weeks from now comes up and I’m hugging my housemates and saying goodbye, I will just have to accept what happens is what I need to have happen. There is no planning that can be done, just let the feels be feels.

On a side note, I really want a dog. Like I’m not kidding guys, I really want one. Enough so that stuffed animals have become appealing to me in large ways.

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That nose freckle is shining bright..

I have this emptiness (which I think is a want for a romantic relationship…) that I need to fill with something and as much as I love my new Chester, this void is still burning deeper, but I suppose that is not in my control either. There is a time and a place for being single, growing and self-loving. I have done that. Why is it that when you are finally feeling confident in yourself and what you deserve AND you are ready and wanting to give yourself and your love to someone else that there is nothing to be found?

Le sigh. I digress…

Guess it also doesn’t help my mood that my stomach is being a terror with my exams…despite said feelings of nothingness. What else is new. Are you almost healed yet…?

To conclude I just want to say that no I’m not sad or anything like that, I’m a very happy person, these are just some thoughts rolling through my forever active mind and I think I’m simply suppressing feelings at the moment. Please don’t think I’m depressed or anything as that is far from true. 

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How do you respond to major life changes?

Do you feel ready to take on the world after your education?

Thanks to Amanda and her link-up party for my thoughts to dance in.

Thinking-Out-Loud-2

-Chelsea


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With The New Year Comes…

New Year Resolutions.

In other words, these are the things that I don’t like about myself and look to change in the new year.

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My Friends, we have all done it.

We have come to this time of the year and looked to see what things we could do in the year to come to better our lives.

I need to loose weight

I need to buy a gym membership

I need to be more organized.

I need to get better grades

I want a raise.

When did the new year symbolize a time of changing ourselves or thinking about the things we don’t like about ourself?

When did December become the month of self-self-critisicm? And January the month to correct those problems? 

That shouldn’t be the case. Look at other celebrations such as the Chinese New Year. Their celebration is all about clearing room for good fortune, luck and health. It is not about thinking about their flaws, but instead looking to allow for more good to come into their lives.

Why should it be any different here?

I’m coming at you with this short post to make you stop and think about why you are making resolutions. Really think about what these resolutions represent.

Are you starting with thoughts such as:

I want to change…

I don’t like this…

This needs to go…

I wish I could do better at…

If you are then STOP!

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Depressing much?

Stop and fight against the need to pull out all of your so-called flaws. Those things you see are defined as the things that make you a human being and those are the things that you will actively work at always.

With some exceptions such as something that negatively affects your health, such as smoking, or someone else. Those need to be changed in my opinion as the are damaging in some way. 

Instead, I challenge you to come up with resolutions that represent things that will simply ADD to your happiness and well being.

Instead of resolutions, make promises to yourself.

I promise to sign up for that art class I have told myself I don’t have time for because it will make me happy…

I promise to arrange a date with my significant other (in or out) every week because we enjoy it…

I promise to call my best friend once a week because catching up, laughing and just talking makes every lil stress in my life disappear…

The new year is not about change really, it’s about always growing and being the best and happiest you that you can be.

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So why start the year off on a fault? Instead, start the year off with things to look forward to because they will only benefit you and make you a happier person.

Happier people are more productive people

Happier people are healthier people

Happier people are, well, happier and really, at the end of the day, don’t we deserve that?

So tell me, what promise can you make to yourself in the new year?

And thats a round of Tuesday Rambling for you in a record breaking 10 minute post. Apparently this was just something I needed to get out.

-Chelsea


81 Comments

Set It Free

Hey Friends!

This post was inspired by a video posted by FreshFitNHealthy on Facebook recently. She spoke about what she learned throughout her school years and I thought it was an interesting idea for a blog post and, well, it transformed a bit into how I have changed over the years in addition to some important lessons. I think that I grew quite a lot, as many do, in my first undergraduate at McMaster. I decided to get all personal with you all and hopefully some of the things I learned and found out about myself can relate to your life too.

School is not life.

This one was a big thing for me. My first year in McMaster, there are so many regrets I have for not spending as much time as I could have with my roommates and friends because I was in my room doing work and studying. I thought this was what I needed to do to get the grades I pressured myself to get. Your high school councillor puts this idea in your head that you will drop 15% and I was panicked so I became, what I like to call, a hermit most of the time.

I can’t say that those things that I missed out on were all due to this, as my poor confidence and shyness probably came into that issue as well to a degree, but it definitely played a big role.

Being a student is only one part of your life. You are YOU first and when you look back at your years in school, do you want to only remember being at your desk 24/7?

One bad grade is not the end of your life.

This is a tough pill to swallow. I still struggle with this one. I have set standards for myself and I can honestly say that they never stop getting higher. I’m a perfectionist. I want the best. It used to be that when I saw a 70 and I was disappointed. Now I see an 80 to an 85 and get that same feeling of…

“What did I do wrong?”

Soon, if I’m not careful, I will get that feeling when 90’s are not attained 100% of the time. This is not realistic. This is added stress that I don’t need. I’m working on it.

I have been there were I have broken down over a grade. It was my first chemistry midterm of my University career and I got a 45 or something like that. Yeah, chem and me are not close…I have never failed anything in my school life and you know what?

I broke down and I broke down hard. I called my Mom and just balled my eyes out saying how I was going to fail chemistry then I would never be able to get into graduate school and so forth. You know what I ended up with at the end of the year?

…a 7 (which at McMaster is between a 75-79%).

I was still unhappy with it because it’s not an honours grade, but I didn’t fail. I didn’t fail the course. I didn’t fail at life. This is a lesson that is rationally understood but still hard to actually believe sometimes. The fact of the matter is that one bad grade will not ruin your life.

Relax.

Another work in progress. I’m a naturally anxious person when things go differently then I expect. I also get really antsy around test situations and big events. I’m proud to say that over the years of school I have learned to accept that when writin a test, I will be as ready as I will ever be walking into that room so being nervous about it won’t help me. With that, instead of anxiously studying up until I literally get my book taken from me in the exam room, I now stop at least an hour before I write a test to wind down so I can walk into the exam in a calm state.

If you’re overly stressed, your brain won’t work. Been there done that.

BTW does anyone else really hate it when everyone is going over things with their friends outside the examination room? I purposely blast my music half of the time because I don’t want to hear them as I just feel like it will mess with me.

Having a social life is necessary.

During my year off school when I was working my two jobs, my friends started to take a back seat to work and me just being busy. At the time, my boyfriend and I had been living in our own apartment for a year by then and it was that year that I begin to get that ugly feeling of being incredibly lonely. Yes, I had him but I found out very quickly that I cannot go day-to-day doing the same thing over and over again. With work I was super social. Customer service was a huge part of my job. Then, when I came home, my boyfriend was often there but I still felt an incredible sense of emptiness. I then began to get mad at myself for not trying harder to find time to see my friends more because I was really pushing myself into a dark hole. It wasn’t really until last summer where I pushed myself to go out more that I really began to get my groove back. My happiness. Now that I’m back in school, I’m determined never to let that happen again.

It’s okay to think about yourself first.

I love seeing others happy. When I was younger, I cared more about putting others first then I did about myself and my needs. You may think this is a good thing, when in fact, if you forget about yourself, you will simply lose yourself. You will get walked all over and be forever unable to search for your own passions, make goals and reach them because you are too busy trying to give to everyone else.

It’s not selfish to want the best for yourself. To put yourself in your own lil bubble from time to time while you work towards your goals. Everyone does it. Everyone needs to do it because it’s how you pave your own way and be truly happy in your life.

Change happens.

Your lifelong plans can change. Some things cannot be planned out, written in stone and stuck to 100%. Try telling this to any Type A personality and see what happens. When I finally made the decision to stop my application process to clinical psych and take the year off, I was stressed to the max. Do you know how many times I asked my parents if I was doing the right thing? The guilt of my not sticking to my ‘plan’ was actually was eating me up no joke.

It’s hard to deal with uncertainty, but its something we all have to face because life happens. You change. Your wants, thoughts and beliefs then change and so plans will never be perfectly planned.

I learned that I can be loved.

For the first time I knew what it felt like to be loved (other than my family). I had some of the most amazing moments in this relationship and I met someone I could call my person.

With that I also learned that no matter how much love you have for someone…

Sometimes you have to let them go.

Love is definitely blind. My 5 year relationship was definitely a growth period for me. We had amazing times but as we moved into our final year, my perception of our future began to change. The truth is, opposites don’t last over the long-term. My love for him truly blurred any rational understanding for that statement. I knew we were very different and although there were some big things that may have set lil alarm bells off in my mind at the time, I just simply overlooked them.

It was one of the most drawn out and hardest things I had to accept. My best friend, the person who gave me so much, could not be “my person” for life.

The love is still there. The friendship is still there. For that I’m thankful, but I think we have both come to terms that a relationship is not the place for us. We are better as friends.

Well that was one reflective post. Got me feelin all kinds of fuzzies. Warm thoughts? Not sure, but a good release.

Thank you for listening to me and I hope you enjoyed reading it. Let me know if you can relate to anything I mentioned here.

Also..

What would be one thing you learned about yourself during your post high school years?

-Chelsea


116 Comments

Change Doesn’t Have A Set Date

Hey Friends!

Happy New Year!

How was your New Years Eve? Do anything fun?

Chatter at me. 😀

As I mentioned, It was my Mom’s birthday, so we spent a nice evening at The Keg for dinner…

IMG_7016Nomz. I got to try their baked sea bass! So good, although I wish I got more. #SadFace.

…and then we came back and watched a movie (The Inside Man, good movie!) and then did our usual watching of the ball drop and calling my Nana and Papa at midnight.

I also happened to prep a lil something interesting for my parent’s January 1st breakfast.

IMG_7027Mini cinnamon rolls using that same bread (Cinnabon bread) I made the french toast out of previously. Not the healthiest choice but seriously how cool is it that they turned out lookin like a cute lil roll when it was a slice of bread?

Yes. I can be proud of my most simplest, random ideas. If you want some all I did was soak the bread slices in that same french toast ‘batter’ I mentioned in that previous post, roll them up and stuff them into sprayed muffin tins. Oh and top them with a lil bit of melted coconut oil to get those tops crispy and sprinkle with some more cinnamon if you would like.

IMG_7017Bake at 350 for about 20 minutes or until they have reached the golden-ness and crispy-ness you like. They may look a lil deformed and small  pre-baked, but once they came out, the edges were golden and crisp and they had puffed up a bit and filled out into a nice cinnabon shape.

IMG_7022And voila! Sorry for the gross dark pictures. I made these last night at 9:30pm because I would be at the gym when my parents needed foodz.

For the ‘icing,’ I just used some of my vanilla New Zealand whey and some water. Casein would be best as it’s thicker, or go all out and use a cream cheese frosting for a more authentic feel. Also, these would be great with nuts, like walnuts or pecans, stuffed inside!

They made my parents happy and so they made me happy.

Top Chef over here ya know. 😉

Did anyone else kick off their New Year with a workout?

I decided to go all crazy and begin my year with a grueling leg workout because, well, it was leg day anyways and the gym was all like…

The perks of not getting hamm’ed on New Years Eve. Gimme all the squat racks. 😀

Oh and I took them, held onto them and squatted my lil tushie off doing a total of 4 variations of squats throughout my workout.

1 5×5 of back squats

1 4×6-7 of front squats

1 4x failure of pistol squats (this was my secondary exercise to leg press)

3x failure of heavy goblet squats.

Yup, my legs were like cedar blocks crawling walking out of there this morning.

Now onto the real reason for this post…

It’s that time of year again…

The time where people feel the need to make goals for changing themselves or modifying things in their lifestyles that they felt were lacking in the previous year.

Top New Years Resolutions you will hear people discussing…

  1. Eat healthier
  2. Go to the gym
  3. Loose weight
  4. Work less
  5. Spend less

Why is it that when you list them all out that they seem so grueling?

It also makes them seem like punishment, no? Or like this is something you have to force upon yourself to create misery.

The sad reality is that most of these will not be met and will be given up before the month of February. Perhaps that is because of what I just mentioned.

I have a lil bit of an issue with setting New Years Resolutions in general and so I wanted to discuss that in a video that is posted below (click the picture for the link as usual). I also mentioned some tips on how to stick to your goals if you want to make them rather than just giving ideas on what one could consider resolving in their life. It kind of bugs me when someone makes suggestions on what others should be working in their lives because, well, it’s none of the other person’s business really and how would they know what that person really truly needs?

I have to stop and then ask myself if that makes me a hypocrite for saying that because I offer suggestions to you guys all the time. Please note that I’m never trying to push idea on you, these are just things I share with you all to shed light onto things you may not have known previously.

Anywho, check out the video if ya want and let me know what you think.

VLOG thumbnail Jan 1 2015Although I believe in making goals anytime of the week or year, not necessarily just on New Years (or September), I will give some of my things that I want to work on or continue to work towards throughout this year. They are the basic idea, so nothing too specific or defined, but they are relevant to my own goals and, provided I am able to make progress towards them, the changes they will bring will benefit my life.

  • Separate some ‘me time’ to blog when I head back into the second semester. I have gotten past the transitional 1st semester, so I’m really hoping to not see another lag in my posts this semester.
  • Continue to build my YouTube channel and making vlogs for this blog
  • SLEEP. This one I have been trying to work at but am still failing at so its back to the drawing board for this one.
  • Continue to balance school with social things and down time so that I don’t end up becoming a hermit. In other words, realize that it’s okay to have some down time to enjoy with friends and not feel bad for not studying 24/7. I did much better with that this year, so I’m happy to continue making progress at it.
  • Deal with online classes better. I have determined that I need to set a ‘class time’ to do my readings for online because I really have a hard time motivating myself to read a textbook from the computer.

 Well that’s all for tonight guys, but to end off I thought I would share something that is well suited for this post.

Happy New Year Funny Graphics 2015

Hope you have had a great start to your 2015 year!

Do you believe in New Years Resolutions? If so, what are some of your goals?

What is the number one reason you think goals are not met or given up on?

What is something you want to do more for yourself that is not related to weight or food?

-Chelsea


17 Comments

Surviving My First Week Is Marvelous…MIMM

Hey Friends,

This first week has been a lil bit crazy which is why you haven’t heard from me lately. Trying to adjust back into school life after taking the year off is a lil different but I’m slowly getting into the groove of things. Please give me a lil time to get back to your wonderful responses on my last post!! I will get my act together soon. I decided to jump into Katie’s Marvelous In My Monday linkup to give you all a quick lil update on this lil bloggers life because, well, I think surviving the first full week (let alone the move to Guelph!) is quite Marvelous!

 MiMM MIMM #115 Glow News, Unicorns, and Destination Beach!

So many changes all at once was a lil overwhelming for me as I’m not a fan of change at all (type A, OCD personality type looses her sh**, jokes…kinda)

So what changes do I speak of…? Well I will tell you but in light of MIMM and trying to keep a positive outlook, we shall make the best of these changes. kapeesh?

Anyone else in the same boat? Any change-avoiders?

Change is moving to a whole new city alone…

Zee Griffin welcomes you all to Guelph University
 

Moving to a new city is scary but it can be Marvelous because…

  • It’s a new adventure
  • Meet new people
  • See new places
  • Eat at new restaurants

It’s also great for personal growth. It forces you to get out of the routine your used to and break out of what you’re comfortable with. Being uncomfortable is needed for you to gain more confidence in yourself and your abilities plus it teaches you new skills.

20140915-130235-46955991.jpgWhy do I have a picture of a toilet all up in yo face?

Because I had to unclog my first toilet this morning. FYI I didn’t clog it (thought I should make that known) BUT I did fix it.

See, personal growth. 😀

Change is…Leaving my friends

But meeting new friends is Marvelous.

Lets be friendsIt’s sad that I don’t have a picture of my housemates and I yet but they are amazing peeps! I really lucked out with my girls and I’m enjoying spending lots of time with them while we are all still kinda chilled out.

Ainjel: The youngest of all of us, she just turned 19 before school started and is in 2nd year as an English major. Although she is the youngest, I appreciate the fact that her maturity is not that of a freshie because that would start to drive me crazy after a while. She’s super sweet and has been our lil tour guide as we are all new at Guelph except for her.

Rita: Coming all the way from China, Rita astonishes me at how strong of a person she is at only 20 years old. I mean, she is truly independent. She has no family here in Canada and still struggles with English, but she manages just fine on her own and is the nicest person and and it’s really cool to see all of her Chinese traditions, especially in the kitchen. 😀 Oh and she’s an Environmental Architecture major who is actually taking french as an elective.

Emily: Also 20, Emily is an Environmental Governance major and is pretty much what you would picture a daisy to be in human form. Does that sound weird? She is actually cute as a button and the sweetest girl you would ever meet. I’m currently teaching her how to cook and O’m loving the enthusiasm she has for it. She made her first piece of fish ever the other day and the way her face lit up just made me smile. #ProudTeacher.

20140915-133659-49019519.jpgThis was from our first housie date at Lemongrass Thai. The food was really good but the place was really small. A lot more sketch than what I thought when I searched for the nearest “Thai Restaurant” on Google Maps.

Change is….Leaving my gym

This is a wound that I’m still trying to heal. I miss my gym family a lot. I miss the Pulse but sometimes something Marvelous can come from changing my second home

20140915-215045-78645693.jpgMy gym fam…some of’em. Chelsea’s spot crew wassup!

The Athletic Club is a great gym with new equipment to explore and some great classes that are free because they are part of my membership. Hello free hot yoga! Oh and more recently, aerial yoga. Holler. I have no excuses not to stretch now.

I have also been on the radar of some of the trainers already which is alll part of zee plan (mwah ha ha ha) on building up my rep and hopefully snagging a PT position at that gym. Wish me luck!

I’m really not that cynical and have some weird master plan, but I did really hope to gain some attention early so that it might help my chances of getting in.

To start, I marched myself into the personal trainer office this morning after my workout and shook the hand of the director and introduced myself. Something a younger version (two years younger even!) of myself would have never done. D’aww I’m growing up.

Like I said, I still do miss my Marvelous spotters. My friends. My supporters. Thank you for always encouraging me to push harder in the gym and being proud of my accomplishments both in an outside the gym. So much love for your guys!

I did get the pleasure of celebrating one of my spotters’s, Vince, birthdays before I left. I made him a cute (healthy!) protein cake which he then cut just like a birthday cake and shared with everyone at the desk.

20140829-114856-42536409.jpg“Vince smile I want a pic of you with your cake”…
20140829-114857-42537055.jpgWould you believe that this oozing double-decker cake is healthy? Cake batter protein cake with a peanutty, greek yogurt ‘icing’
DSC_0038Yeah I’m short.

Change is…I’m a student again.

But Marvelous is the fact that I’m now studying to be what I’m pretty sure I was born to be. A Registered Dietician. Someone to help others struggling with food. To teach about the importance of a healthy diet and to hopefully, combine food and fitness later on down the road as my main career.

20140915-220347-79427277.jpgLife of a student bodybuilder. Forever eating in class..

Time to put my study cap back on and get on that studious grind once again. Here goes nothing…But first

Some cool things I have seen, done and bought in the first week. Photo reel time!

Of course a trip to the Farmer’s Market had to happen ASAP and Emily came with me to enjoy it! Let me tell you, this market was probably the best market I have ever been to. Almost all of the vendors were organic and local

20140915-073358-27238454.jpgAll of the meats were grassfed

20140915-073410-27250701.jpgYeah the weird “I’m not taking a picture of your sign” camera angle…

Their fish was from Nova Scotia and looked amazing! I snagged a beautiful piece of wild caught swordfish to enjoy. Plus, if you like to eat, well they have you covered. Aside from some different cultural dishes and samples, they had tons of organic baked goods, a smoothie bar, gluten free and vegan options and this lil numba

20140915-073358-27238993.jpgThe doughnut roller coaster. Hot and steamy cinnamon sugar doughnuts. These things were flying off the counter.

The space was cramped despite being surprisingly large and the atmosphere was that hippy-like vibe that I love seeing at the market. People just looking to boost their health and looking for the best of the best in quality food.

Only a fellow Tea Addict will understand why having this place 5 minutes from my house is bound to be a problem..

20140915-133659-49019869.jpgTrip one cost me a infuser mug along with two delicious sample bags of their new fall line teas, Snickerdoodle and Forever Nuts (smells like pie!). The Forever Nuts would probably be my favourite of the two.

To cut this post off before it gets beyond monstrous, I will leave you with one of the posters I bought at the poster sale that I have hung on the outside of my bedroom door for all to see.

20140915-130236-46956316.jpgI love motivational quotations. They make me smile. 🙂

I wish all the best to everyone starting off school life again and I hope everyone is transitioning well. I have had a few questions about balance and how to transition into school while maintaining a healthy lifestyle and I hope to get to that post (or video) soon!

Enjoy your nite and a big thanks to Katie for hosting.

Put a positive spin on a big change you had face lately. Post them up in the comments section.

-Chelsea


4 Comments

Thursday Ramblings & December Goals

Hey Friends,

So it’s almost the weekend and I’m feeling rambly…no shocker there as I’m always one to chatter ;-). I had an ‘interesting’ weekend I guess you could say and it got me thinking about things I am wanting to do in the near future. Another thing that has been on my mind lately is my own happiness. I was asked if I was truly happy or just living life comfortably in routine and that is what is keeping my content.

Being content is not really happiness is it…?

I have thought about this a lot and on multiple occasions it has struck me that maybe I am stuck in a bit of a rut. To be honest, most of my days just kind of pass along because with two jobs, you are generally always on the go. This is NOT to say that I don’t like my jobs, I do. More importantly, I love the people that I work with!

  • Foodie talk with Lisa during my close shift at the gym
  • Meathead ramblings with my fellow trainers
  • Meeting some of the nicest customers at GoodnessMe! who take the time to learn and take care of their bodies health
  • Seeing the gratitude from offering your services (recipe ideas, fitness tips, etc)
  • Gathering around a big ol’ table at our GoodnessMe! Xmas party laughing and opening secret Santa gifts

Instead, I have the urge to say that it’s because I don’t have enough ME time. Then again, I don’t think that is it either. When I think about it, I do have ME time. Those spare moments in my days are spent…

  • Gymin in up in the early mornings when others are still snoozin (one of the best parts of my day!)
  • Trying out new recipes
  • Cooking in general
  • Blogging
  • Training clients
  • Sleeping (naps if I get the chance)…this is sad but I’m quite happy if I get a 30min nap a few times a week
  • Time with Andre if he’s home

Maybe I’m just run down. This is entirely possible..well, maybe as a piece of that puzzle, but not all. There are a couple things that I know for a fact are making me feel less than 100%. The big one right now (and it’s my own fault for not finding enough space to get into the clinic!) is these stomach issues. I’m starting to forget what normal feels like and that’s not, well, normal. Another issue that TOTALLY contributes to this run down feeling…and is once again 100% my own fault…is not getting enough sleep. Running on 5 hours every day consistently is not doing me any favours.

  • It will have an effect on my ability to recover from my heavy workouts ( I felt this last week where 2-3 days following my bis and tris workout…yes arms!.. I still felt like I did walking out of the gym following that workout.)
  • It will affect my ability to concentrate, think clearly..even form proper sentences
  • Makes me sluggish
  • Makes everything you do 10x harder and requiring more effort
  • Can’t be helping my body fight these stomach things
  • Makes me moody

So maybe I am comfortable. Now that I’m saying that, I’m really hatin on that word right now. I know that I am one to easily fall into routine and that is not always a good thing. It’s very hard for me to steer away from what I am used to. Maybe it’s laziness. Maybe it’s fear. Or maybe it’s just because it’s my own way of controlling something in my life when other things feel slightly out of my control. As of right now, I don’t know what’s wrong with my digestion (daily stress #1) and that leaves me always thinking about whether it’s worth it to do something out of the ordinary as it could mess it up more. Two, my body is still not letting me put on weight despite my continuous caloric increases and seeing a nutritionist. I have many loved ones who are constantly concerned about my health because of it (stress #2).

These two things mentally exhausting all on their own which I suppose gives me a running start on the stress-o-meter on the daily. Basically what that means is that any additional stress or ‘out of control’ thing will feel much larger than it really should leaving me more run down than I should be.

How sad is that?

So I need to fix some things obviously. I need to help myself as much as I can to keep those icky feelings at bay so that maybe, just maybe, I can stop using the word content and start using the word happy.

So that leaves us with my first few of my December goals

  • Doctors, doctors and more doctors to figure out what the heck is wrong with my digestion. I love the drs. office…not. This is a HUGE one as it is basically running my life right now.
  • Do new things. Step out of my routine. This one will be challenging (spontaneity is not my strong point obviously) but it needs to be done! Christmas back at home will be one of these down.
  • Socialize more! This seems really sad yes, but I have tried to arrange times with my many of friends to meet up in the evenings and NONE of these attempts have panned out. Yes zilch. When this constantly happens I start to get that feeling of loneliness and that needs to change. I know it’s exam time for many but I really think seeing a few beautiful friend faces will turn my frown upside down.

So those are very important but there are also some other goals that I have to address. First, I mentioned that I was thinking about my future as well. I know what I want to do (Dietetics) its now just the time to set my sights on schools, which, is actually fairly easy as there are only 3 in Ontario that offer nutrition based undergraduate programs: Western (Brescia specifically), Guelph and Ryerson. Guelph is very appealing to me but is that only because it’s close to where I live now? Again, fear of change perhaps?. Ryerson on the other hand appears to offer quite an interesting double major

Nutrition and Kinesiology.

Diet and exercise sciences. The best of both worlds! This could be really great for me and is definitely something I should consider if I ever want to work with athletes.

So related goals to this thought stream

  • Apply for OSAP (help my parents out a tad)
  • Fill out transfer credit applications (I should be able to start as a 3rd year undergrad with my BSc. degree rather than a 1st year)
  • Apply!

Another  set of goals are associated with my personal trainer job at the Pulse. These were goals that my director and I discussed and I have to say I have been slacking on them despite their deadline being Christmas and the fact that I actually want to accomplish them.

  • Read and summarize the periodization manual (this could help with my own workouts + clients)
  • Have 3 long term clients (10+ sessions). Hmmm…I don’t think this one will happen. I have one continuous client but no other bites as of yet (exception I may have one for early next year)
  • Learn and be able to teach 3 new exercises. I knew I wanted to learn proper deadlift and hip thrust technique (yes I have been gymin it up for this long and have yet to get deadlifts down..shameful). I’m currently working at Romanian deadlifts with dumbbells as my small hands present a major issue for grippage. I have also asked a fellow workout buff for a demo on hip thrusts but I have yet to touch on the last one as I’m still not 100% sure what I want to learn.

So there are all my goals for this month and into the new year. In general, I hope that in the new year I can break out of my “What’s new with you? Just workin…” rut and actually be workin some fun stuff into my life more. There is one last thing that I have been thinkin about for a while but I’m a lil nervous to do. Again these nerves come from fear BUT this time, it’s fear of the pain…

This is a symbol for Acceptance of Optimal Health. The symbol itself is said to be a Zibu, or Angelic symbol and represents:

Breathe life into your body and envision it as the healthy temple it is intended to be.  See yourself as a thriving being.

[Source: http://www.languageofzibu.com/AboutZibu.html%5D

The words this symbol express just kinda stuck with me as something I want to work towards. The relationship I have with my own skin has never really been rays of sunshine and despite thriving to live (through diet and fitness) as if my body is my temple, mentally I think I still hate on it too much. I want to love it, love myself, and love what it allows me to do. I want to see it in a positive light. Hopefully, that day will come.

All that being said, I am now very much considering getting inked for the 3rd time. Specifically I have my heart set on the ribs, which is where the nerves come from as that is supposed to be one of the top 3 most tender areas to get tatted up on. Ouch. Someone hold my hand please!

Do you have any tattoos?

Do you have any goals for December? The new year?

What’s one thing you do to show self love?

-Chelsea