Lil Miss Fitness Freak

"And though she be but little, she is fierce"


Leave a comment

Emotionally Numb..TOL

Are you one of those people who knows something big is happening soon but don’t really feel it until the day of?

When that day comes, its like a bomb exploded instead of being a slow burning flame that will quietly simmer and then just fizzle out.

Sound dramatic?

As my undergrad comes to a close (2nd one, yay for year 7 of post-highschool schooling…) I have been pondering a lot of things lately, yet I feel almost unattached to the emotions I feel they should be associated with.

…maybe that is my first problem…overthinking..

200_s

I’m leaving my housemates. I know I’m going to cry the day of, I know it. I love these two girls and for now I just think that them leaving hasn’t hit me yet. I swear I have feelings..

I’m moving in with new housemates. I have met one of them and she’s so sweet and just like me in the sense that she appears to me like an ‘older soul’ and one who gets stuff done and is a respective and responsible person.

I have to go back home and work inside all summer long. I think this is the one that I have been the most vocal about. My job last summer was a dream. I spend my days outside, I did my research at night and I was the most relaxed I had ever been I felt. this was a true blessing because I was sick (Read: infested without knowing it) at the time and although I was struggling with it, I don’t know how bad it would have gotten if I hadn’t have been so free and care-free.

I’m having to leave my second family (my gym fam) for the whole summer because I have to go home. This may seem silly to many of you, but I feel a certain ‘place’ there. I’m known and I just feel at home there. My friends are there. Friends who share my interests and can gab for days about all the things I love. My people live and breathe there just like me. It may only be for 4 months, but its just another thing I’m leaving…

My Masters is apparently going to be a crazy time. From placements to my masters, I have so much to do in a whole 3 semesters and I weirdly feel calm. I’m excited for my placements but I know that so much change is about to occur and at this point and ‘calmness’ I don’t know how the initial days are going to fare with such a change to my normal scheduling.

….After my Masters, life hits you like a bag of bricks….

WsdVIzM

Should I think about where I want to live as an adult?

How am I going to afford a place to live when I’m done. I’m not going back home right? I can’t, I just can’t. But a place…On my own…Am I ready for that? Can I even think about affording that?

I don’t even know how to do my own taxes for gods sake!

And all I have to say for myself at the moment is I feel nothing. I’m not sad. I’m not worried and I’m not (consciously at least) anxious about it.

That in itself makes me worried because when it all hits me, I don’t know how I’m going to react. That is a lot of change. And I, mentally and physically (heres pointing at your stomach of hell), don’t do well with change.

How do I prepare if I feel nothing?

Am I somehow able to suppress all feelings because I’m overwhelmed with all the change that is imminent? 

I dunno.

I guess for now I need to just continue to focus on my exams and when two weeks from now comes up and I’m hugging my housemates and saying goodbye, I will just have to accept what happens is what I need to have happen. There is no planning that can be done, just let the feels be feels.

On a side note, I really want a dog. Like I’m not kidding guys, I really want one. Enough so that stuffed animals have become appealing to me in large ways.

img_9926

That nose freckle is shining bright..

I have this emptiness (which I think is a want for a romantic relationship…) that I need to fill with something and as much as I love my new Chester, this void is still burning deeper, but I suppose that is not in my control either. There is a time and a place for being single, growing and self-loving. I have done that. Why is it that when you are finally feeling confident in yourself and what you deserve AND you are ready and wanting to give yourself and your love to someone else that there is nothing to be found?

Le sigh. I digress…

Guess it also doesn’t help my mood that my stomach is being a terror with my exams…despite said feelings of nothingness. What else is new. Are you almost healed yet…?

To conclude I just want to say that no I’m not sad or anything like that, I’m a very happy person, these are just some thoughts rolling through my forever active mind and I think I’m simply suppressing feelings at the moment. Please don’t think I’m depressed or anything as that is far from true. 

1dca15ca297c45fb16a960022dd3d498

How do you respond to major life changes?

Do you feel ready to take on the world after your education?

Thanks to Amanda and her link-up party for my thoughts to dance in.

Thinking-Out-Loud-2

-Chelsea

Advertisements


Leave a comment

Today Was Just A Good Day

The title says it all. I was going to make some banana bread tonight for the gym but instead I just had to sit down to write down my thoughts and share them with you. A lil self reflection on the day so hopefully I don’t bore you all. I feel it’s necessary to share the good and the bad so here goes nothing.

To preface: I have been getting some help from another coach lately, Ryan. He has worked with a number of people with gut problems and helping them heal while also using his experience in bodybuilding and nutrition to help them their reach their goals. Overall, I have only just begun with him (about 1 week in) but I’m very excited to see how things go as he is trying to help me to reduce my inflammation (which I did test positive for in my lower bowel but was unexplained) and my body’s acidity issues while also helping to gain weight and continue my strength gains. This first week has been a slow introduction of a few new supplements and natural aids (spirulina, ACV shots, maca powder and MSM) and although it’s early to tell, I have had some very VERY good tummy days. I’m hoping that I get more and more of those because you have no idea how much of a difference it makes when I’m having a ‘good day’. 

So today…

Started off with an amazing lift with an extra boost from someone I talk to quite frequently. She has complimented my progress before, but today was different…

Her: You’re looking really good.

Me: Aww, thank you (smiles…)

Her: No really, you are looking really good, I mean it…

I really didn’t know what to say, I just kept saying thank you. It was just the way she said it that got me. It was like she was excited for me. She could see my energy. I dunno, it just felt really heartwarming.

The big thing is that she sees me train often, so it’s not likes been a month’s difference there. No, she’s noticing slight differences with shorter time intervals so that is a big thing.

…..

My friend Lexi met me at the end of my workout and spent some time with some rehab exercises and I showed her some glute activation exercises to help strengthen that area as she as a bummed out knee that was told by her physio that she needs to work on those areas. We then spent the rest of the afternoon together starting with post-workout noms (I made her a vegetarian greek pasta salad with chickpeas) followed by a trip to GoodnessMe! for me to show her some things as she is trying to make some changes in her diet and ya’ll know that I’m always up for questions and foodie talk.

She then gracious took me to Zehrs where she laughed as I legit squealed when I saw OSTRICH steaks. Oh the foodie in me reveals itself.

….60 bucks later ….

She dropped me back off at home, we chattered for a bit and then she headed off to see her Gran back in my hometown.

Spending more time with her I reflect back on how much I’m thankful that we reconnected (we are from the same hometown and high school). We never lost touch 100% but when I came into Guelph and realized she was living her, we got together and it seems as though we never have a quiet moment. We just talk and talk and talk and I can really appreciate that kind of friendship. 

I did my usual, napped (lolz), had dinner, etc but then as I left to go out for my nightly walk (which is something I still do despite Rita not being here, but Lexi joins me sometimes now), I decided to challenge myself a bit because…

I was feeling good. And THANK YOU RYAN!

Like today was a ‘good day’ tummy wise.

What that means is that I wasn’t feeling bloated out of my mind after dinner and wanting to walk around in a bag…

I had found a pair of cropped jeans that actually fit me from American Eagle a month or so back and because they were on sale and WHITE (I love white!) I bought them. I folded them up with the receipt and left them on my shelf. Well, I decided tonight was going to be the night, I was gunna put those damn things on and go for my walk.

DO IT.

Now this may sound silly to most, but people are shocked when I wear legit pants. It’s true and it’s not just a “I’m a gym rat and live in Lulu 24/7 or nothing” thing either (well that is a part of it..). No, it’s also a personal struggle for me that has hung over me for..wow for almost a decade since I was sick. Other then shorts in the summer time, which take me a bit to get re-adjusted to mentally, I have a really big problem with tight pants because I’m afraid of folding. So, especially after dinner and a full day of eating and drinking, lets just say tight clothing is a no.

But tonight was not one of those nights.

img_9310

I’m having a good day, so dammit I was gunna put those jeans on! Was I feeling absolutely amazing?

No, but I didn’t spend the whole time fiddling with them or doing weird checking behaviours… and I kind of felt good.

Big movement forward! Psychological win for tonight.

So as I made my way around the last bend of my walk, I literally couldn’t help but smile.

Today was a good day

Good days mean a happier, peppier Chelsea. One who beams and glows and I swear others must catch my mood and vibes because I find myself being the most chatty on those days. Smile are contagious all. 

And because of that, I had to write it down because that’s what I do with my feelings these days.

Much love my Friends!

-Chelsea

 


Leave a comment

Mixed Messages…Thinking Out Loud

Amazing job! You eat those fries and love every moment of it…

How do you eat all those bad foods all the time and not get fat?

It’s okay sweetie, you will conquer that whole pint of ice cream next time.

Hey maybe you should put down that pizza slice, it’s not like you need it..

…..

#YesIAteTheWholePint #RecoveryForTheWin

…..

im confus

Me and you both.

Linking up with Amanda over at Running With Spoons for this week’s Outloud Thinking.

You know my friends I have struggled with this idea for a while. We are very confusing with our messages about food. Then on top of that, when you throw recovery and what we ‘believe’ that those in recovery should eat in there, well **it just hits the ceiling and makes absolutely no sense.

On one side, we have the general public, who demonizes any food they perceive as unhealthy and condemn those who choose to indulge in them even in moderation.

If you happen to not be a size 2, gawd forbid you have that slice of pizza. You might as well prepare yourself for the long, judgmental conversations that may sound something like this…

Hahaha if I eat that pizza I blow up like a balloon…

Oh I don’t eat that crap, do you know how many calories that has in it…

Oh ya know I will just workout an hour longer tomorrow..#balance (<– this is so wrong btw, don’t do this!)

However, take someone who is recovering from an eating disorder and the conversation takes a completely different direction. Think north pole vs the desert.

opposites

That is amazing, you ate fast food twice today! Recovery win!

I feel so over full right now, but I need to get over that because it’s part of recovery…

#PintParty

See the difference?

I’m stuck here though. I see this discrepancy so clearly and that is what makes it so frustrating that I don’t have a clue where to even start. Despite knowing that with most eating disorders come fears and those need to be challenged, I also strongly believe that we taken things too far.

Instagram-My-reaction-officialdoyoueven-731229

How has it become okay to push things on those in recovery that we normally preach to those not in recovery to push away from? How are we supposed to show that food is just food when we do this?

We are extremists.

Recovery has become something where you are to ‘challenge’ yourself to eat in a way that we normally try to prevent.

You should feel comfortable with being stuffed if you’re in recovery, but you should feel slightly hungry if you’re not.

You should feel proud of tackling that Mc.D’s twice in one day if you’re in recovery but feel disgusting and bad about yourself if you choose to have a burger once and a while.

We are being completely contradictory with our messages. Food is food and shouldn’t be different for one group of people over another.

Another issue is this also puts pressure on individuals regardless of what “category” they fall into.

If you’re in recovery and you’re not going to those extremes you may feel (or others may feel) as if you’re not progressing. Likewise, further agitation can occur because if you feel that pressure to push yourself waaayyyy out of your comfort zone, it may create even worse association with certain foods.

On the flip side…

Those who do not fall into that category may feel the need to almost hide food when they are wanting or eating something ‘dirty,’ especially if they are overweight.

Apple and hamburger on scales conceptual

You can’t win. Both sides are negative, so then, what the heck do we do about it?

Truth is my friends, I’m tackling a slightly controversial issue here and honestly I don’t know what we can do about it.

I know that we need more consistency somewhere. The same food can not be good for one person but bad for another.

For those in recovery, we still need to challenge food fears so that food can be eaten without second thoughts or guilt. However, this needs to be balanced with not pushing so hard that it pushes them out of normalcy.

Cheering for someone to make them finish an entire pint of ice cream is not normal. This shouldn’t be dubbed a ‘recovery win.’ IMO

If they want the whole pint then thats different because it’s what they want to do but there is also the issue that sometimes with eating disorders comes binge eating….another challenge, another discussion. 

Isn’t the point of recovery to reach normalize eating? 

Again, on the other side, for those not in the ED category, normal eating should include those foods they are craving once and a while and the should be able to eat until they are satisfied. This is regardless of what weight you are at weight status should not dictate whether you are allowed to have certain foods on occasion (Yes I realize there are some exceptional cases but you get my point).

So, to sum things up, we have created a big, hot mess. Our messages about food are wrong and, to be honest, the way that we try to challenge food fears in the clinical population can ultimately lead to further eating issues (like binge eating) or just worsen fears even more because they are just too much.

Just my thoughts.

What do you think?

-Chelsea


2 Comments

That Mercury…

Yesterday was just not my day friends. My housemate blamed the planets but I dunno, I think the world just had it out for me.

8c9412656-131017-coslog-planets-link.nbcnews-fp-1200-800.jpg

This week has been a bit on the stressful side…

Remember how I was complaining how this restaurant management course was taking over my life. This has been shown over the last few days as we came up to our “Second Conference” this morning/afternoon which was testing out the entrees for our restaurant, today. We basically had to come up with our theme for our restaurant day (when we basically act as managers and run the place….no pressure), 2 main entrees, drink, dessert and soup. We also had to cost and standardize our recipes which requires strict weighing of absolutely everything and figuring out serving sizes, costs and presentations.

The writing up of all of that and having to run around campus like a crazy person for like 12 hours a day (I’m not kidding either) is leaving me kind of exhausted to say the least.

The conference itself went well this morning as he liked our recipes. He made a few tweaks and, as usual, it was a lot more laid back then what we had been prepped for but the point is that it’s done.

Tomorrow I have gym early then a clinical lab where I have to needle myself to see what it’s like to be a diabetic (ie. glucose testing) then meet up with my partner for my counselling class to work on a proposal due Friday. Thursday is normally like my beginning of the weekend BUT NOOOOO I have to meet up with my restaurant group AGAIN (love these girls I really do, but I would like to be able to cross other things off my to-do list if possible…) to work on Assignment 1 (costing) that is due in our lab on Tuesday. That lab also happens to be our restaurants ‘soft opening’ and we all have roles to play. I’m a waitress, so this should be interesting…

Anyways, so back to my “mercury was taunting me” night.

If you were filming me last night it would have been quite the mind clusterfu** followed by some random adventures that my housemates and I endured because…well life hated me last night. 

So here was my day…

Hit glutes and hams in the morning.

…then I proceeded to grab my tea and go to my counselling lecture….then run over to my counselling lab…then run half was across campus to the restaurant to do the meeting for the Front Of House managers ONLY -_-

Everyone else got the day off our normal lecture…see taunting me…

Please also note that fact that he posted this meeting during the day….Thanks.

Leave campus at 6:10pm ready to eat my own face.

Stop into Metro to pick up the food I had to prep for the next days food presentation (the 2nd conference we did today)….yes you read that right…I had to buy the ingredients for my prof to eat… How is that fair for us poor students?

Stomach has officially eaten itself because I don’t feel it anymore.

Stages-Of-Hangry.png

Home. Shower. EAT EAT EAT. Mmmm elk steak…

Start to make recipes…of all the spices I have in my spice rack the ONE dried herb I need is empty. I really don’t have time for this….

NOTE that I needed to make these + weigh it and send it to my group by 9:30ish

Rita, oh lovely Rita said she would run over to get me paprika. Life saver.

She leaves and about 2 minutes later our microwave dies as I’m steaming the potatoes I need.

FOR REAL?!?!

I unplugged it and plugged it back into another plug that was working for our toaster oven and nope…it’s dead. Perfect.

Emily who had just gotten out of the shower decides we should run to Canadian Tire to buy another one and they are open for another 30 minutesI really don’t have time for this…

We go over, buy the microwave, steal a cart and fly our way home. Rita and Emily return the cart while I was going to put the new microwave in place and what do I see staring me in the face…

013.JPG

Gotcha…

It’s alive! This stupid demon microwave is alive!!?!?! Insert words I’m not proud of…

Take a deep breath, call Em and we laugh about it so I might not explode myself. Okay I’m calm.

Make my food. Standardize my recipes. Send them off a lil later but omg I’m done.

What a day…

So ready to relax…

Flick on my bedroom light…

Dead-lightbulb-167x300.png

Yeah…

YEAH!

I think it took me a minute to process because I literally just wanted to bang my head on my wall at this point.

Sure why not, just add to my misery.

This is when adventure numba 2 happened as we have super high ceilings.

How many short girls does it take to change a light bulb…

Picture Rita standing on a footstool which is on a barstool, balanced by Em and as she changes my lightbulb.

Game faces I swear.

We have light!!!

And thankfully, I guess the planets decided they had enough fun with me for the night and let my exhausted self pass out for the night without any further irritations.

Tuesday Rants

Thanks for listening and hopefully you could get a lil entertainment from my suffering.

Do you have those days where you just feel like that meme where the guy is flipping over his desk and leaving?

-Chelsea


28 Comments

Baby Steps, Baby Steps

*** Trigger Warning. I have expressed some ED related thoughts in this post and that is something that will negatively affect you please skip this post and know that I appreciate your love and support of me and this blog space. ❤ ***

c76cf7b0a8a8b2d8d524421fd3168987.jpg

Almost missed this week due to exam drama-rama but I had to jump in because I had some positive steps forward this week and I really wanted to share because this space is not only for resources, but also for sharing our victories!

Thanks to Miss Lord Still Loves Me herself, Julia, for the positive space for opening up.

recovery-round-up-lord-still-loves-me-link-up.png

As the quotation says above, you should never feel bad for accepting that you did some good for yourself.

It’s hard sometimes when you have suffered with an ED in the past to be proud of the lil things that you have done to beat down that ‘voice’ because you tell yourself they are stupid.

I added a tsp EXTRA of peanut butter to my oatmeal because I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat for 6 hours and didn’t want my tummy eating itself during my exam..because that’s kinda distracting.

ED steps in: Chelsea you’re being silly, a tsp, A TSP oh such a step forward. Such a win against me eh? Nope you’re actually just weak for not sticking to your routine and being afraid of hunger.

I also added a lil bit of banana to those rest day oats because 1. I was on 4 hours of sleep and I wanted a bit more carbs to wake me up. 2. My lunch was a lil less in carbs. 3. I was two cheap to buy a whole pint of strawberries ($6 over here!) for my regular 2 strawberries…

ED Steps in: Banana!?? Are you for real. That is just for workouts, shame on you!

I picked up a custom salad (dry) from Freshii the day earlier because I wanted to help myself out the morning of my exam and just have lunch to bring. I brought a new-to-me find, Renee’s Tuscan Italian dressing and I finally picked it up and was determined to try it. Despite it being 100% all natural and having no preservatives in it (which is why I never use bottled dressings), I haven’t used a bottled dressing in years…

ED Steps in: LAZY LAZY GIRL! Bottled dressing?! There’s some canola oil in there miss, stop telling yourself it’s okay. Carrot juice? Oh great, more sugar for the day you aren’t working out. Look at you, 3 in one day, man you are breaking. Happy with yourself?

pourable_tuscanItalian.jpg

I hope that wasn’t too harsh to read, I was just trying to convey some of the back talk you get when you have experienced an ED in your lifetime.

Despite the nasty commentary, I was talking to my Mom last night and her face was quite pleased when I told her about these experiences.

She told me that this is a good thing.

She told me you are in no way weak, you are in no way becoming ‘less disciplined’ like ED wants you to think. Disciplined? What is that? More like restricted in life.

She told me that I need to consider that maybe, just maybe my brain is fighting back and trying to shut ED out more and more.

She told me I was getting stronger.

She told me to be proud and that she was proud.

910ba9c7fd892279402454d0949227b9.jpg

Why shouldn’t I be proud?

Why can’t I accept that those are accomplishments and not that I’m becoming too weak to stick to my ED driven routine of only eating what I should be.

I should be proud of letting myself feel more free.

..and more happy.

And you know what?

I also told her that I have been feeling that way lately…

Happy.

Feeling the overwhelming happiness seeing all of the Christmas lights.

Feeling excited to come home.

Feeling more appreciative of life and those lil things around me that used to give me such joy.

Yeah, I haven’t been on my plan for too long yet but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t done anything for me yet.

It’s giving me the energy to fight more. Fight harder and its bringing out the best of myself once again.

i-sing-because-im-happy1.jpg

I may not be free yet, but I’m climbing. One step at a time…

One baby step at a time.

ED is out to challenge you. He’s out to make you doubt yourself and make you feel as if you failed if you don’t follow the routine he paved for you. You need to take the time to pause and tell yourself that you SHOULD feel proud when you go against him. He is trying to strip you of your happiness. You are trying to re-instate that you deserve that happiness.

Because you do. You truly 100% do.

No shame. No guilt.

quote-Cynthia-Weil-my-nature-is-to-be-linear-and-238641.png

What is one thing you have done for yourself lately that you discredited because it was silly? I had Peanut Butter Chocolate Ice cream at Baskin Robbins with my Nana and Papa last night. Yes, it was partially because they didn’t have a second caramel flavour, but I have actually kinda been craving it for a few weeks but have been afraid to have it because it’s one of the highest fat ice creams they have. But I ate it and those peanut butter ribbons were delicious… just as I remember.

-Chelsea


7 Comments

Recovery Means Breaking Rules

My Friends,

I wanted to join into a new link up party hosted by the lovely Julia over at Lord Still Loves Me because I love the message that she is trying to put forth.

The idea that Eating Disorders are nothing to be ashamed of.

They are nothing we should be afraid to talk about or embarrassed to admit that they have impacted our lives in any way, shape or form.

The truth is that they are an event. A horrible event mind you, but a point in our lives that challenged us.

This challenge though made us into who were are today, which is a person who is stronger and a person who hopefully sees and experiences life in a much more positive way because they have had some demons to face and squash.

So with that, here is my first entry into the link up party

recovery-round-up-lord-still-loves-me-link-up

Thanks to Julia for starting it up and letting it be a safe space for all to share about their experiences that can include anything from triumphs, to challenges, to fears to breakthroughs.

Much love to everyone who joined into the party and to everyone reading these posts

This morning I broke a rule….

I broke a rule that ED had told me to never break.

Under the requirements of my nutrition increase, my coach added a whole tbsp and a half of extra nut butter to my breakfast on my training days.

A TABLESPOON AND A HALF.

Take that as you will, but for me this was a very scary thing despite loving all things nut butter.

I preach that fats are good for you (because they are!). I preach that everyone needs fats (which you do!) and that you shouldn’t be afraid of the ol’ saying:

Fat makes you fat.

Because it’s not true.

But I myself still struggle with how much I take in as well to be completely honest.

Not only did I have to deal with the very large increase (in my mind) but I also had to get past that pesky rule that holds me back…

You are allowed 2 tbsp tops on any given day..

Of course, less is always better because I can’t have you enjoying yourself too much…ED says with pleasure.

Do I know where this rule originated from?

No.

I know that one serving of nut butter is set as 2 tbsp but I don’t know how that got attached to a daily serving in my head.

Either way, it was (and will continue to be for now on) something I had to tackle this morning.

Info Tidbit: I have 1 tbsp + 1tsp in my ‘midnight snack’ every night and generally only 1/2 a tbsp in my oats in the morning. So jumping to 2tbsp in my oats alone is quite a leap for me.

I had to be strong enough to break that rule

Even if it meant mixing in the extra (which I NEVER DO because I like to eat it last) to hide it from myself, I had to try to get past it.

If I’m being completely honest once again, I only managed to add half more of what I was required to this morning but I have to cheer for myself for the fact that I still broke that rule and did make baby steps into conquering that fear.

a8306054ce04eeb89c47178dbb31978a

Tomorrow is a new morning and I’m determined to take on the full amount.

Recovery isn’t about being perfect. Recovery is like a pond of stepping stones. The distance between the stones may be different (i.e. the challenges we face may be more or less tough mentally and physically) which means that getting from one stone to the next may take more or less time BUT with each leap of faith, we are one step further into a place of freedom and happiness.

….One tbsp of nut butter at a time….

52939931

Thanks for all of your continued support and love my family

Eating disorder related or not (as I hope many of your don’t go through one!), what is one rule you want to be able to break or one that you have broken (yay you!)?

-Chelsea


3 Comments

Humpday Updates

My friends!

It’s a rainy humpday over here in Guelph and as I began to write this, I had just finished up my second pre-workout meal

My last purple sweet tater made it onto this plate this morning. So pretty. 6 ounces sweet potato + 2 ounces green mush goodness (avocado) + 3 ounces roasted chicken breast.

My last purple sweet tater made it onto this plate this morning. So pretty. 6 ounces sweet potato + 2 ounces green mush goodness (avocado) + 3 ounces roasted chicken breast.

Ugh yeah, so much food. #DoYouEvenCarb?

So how am I doing so far now that I’m officially just over a week in?

Honestly?

Better then expected. Mike brought me in ‘slowly’ with the addition of a whole other meal before my 10am workout which was scary to be quite frank. To think of eating my normal pre workout (big bowl of oats) and then an hour and half later eat what you saw above and then workout within the hour of that was actually terrifying.

Like for real, I had anxiety about it.

But I did it and now do it every day before my lift because I’m doing what I’m told.

Mike says…

“It’s not even that much food”

-_-

Maybe for you lol…

but for the tiny lil 5 foot girl, my tummy says otherwise.

download

I have to say though, that it digests fairly quickly and I’m not feeling as heavy as I thought I would. And I’m still starving marvin once that workout is done. Apparently my body is efficient like Mike said.

The issue though, which I’m now trying to pinpoint is the excess gas. Sorry is that too much info for ya?

I dunno if it’s the sweet potatoes, one of the supplements (of my hundred it seems) or just my stomach being annoying and trying to adjust to the new quantities, but for the first hour in the gym I have bubbles popping away in the tummy which is not the most comfortable feeling and makes me slightly self conscious as I’m feeling like I’m rocking a wee food baby belly.

Hopefully that passes or I may have to do some experimenting.

The other issue is sleep once again. I realize I complain about sleep a lot. Sigh. Sorry guys. Now that I have to squeeze in another meal, I’m trying to help myself out by trackin back the alarm an hour to a 6am wake up call and after a few days (plus the midterm yesterday), it’s hitting me real hard.

Goal of life is to finally say I get 7 hours of sleep a night…

One can dream.

….

Speaking of my midterm, in other non-food related news, I wrote my nutrition midterm yesterday morning and was so relieved that it was done that I did what I always do post-test time

Step 1: Gym

Step 2: Nap

20a34dab050fa99fed9978dd19e25d8e

Step 3: Bake ALL THE THINGS.

For real guys, this always happens. My housemates know they get a lot of food when I’m done with midterms because for a few days I have a baking itch that I need to get out of my system.

Last night started with makin these lil guys for my housemates again because they loved them so much.

image

Peanut Butter Pumpkin Protein Bites ~ Gluten Free Jess

Plus I roasted a whole buttercup squash and fingerling potatoes for them to have for dinner (well lunch/dinner food prep for Rita since she is so busy at the school studio she never sees home…) and oats in a thermos (lol) for Rita in the morning because she never wakes up to eat and I get mad at her for not takin care of herself.

Jokes.

Tonight it continued with…

IMG_8231

Pineapple fried rice (healthy style) using up some pineapple that I made OIAJ with for Rita a while back. I also threw in the rest of my lobster left over from my dinner tonight (I have a slight $$ addiction right now..). Lucky girl that I’m nice and share my delicious lobster…

..or maybe it’s just because it only lasts for 12 hours once you thaw the big container…

No one will ever know. 😉

I used this recipe and it smells amazing. Hopefully she enjoys the few meals she gets from it.

Also made was…

IMG_8229

A very messy looking bowl of caramel apple zoats for Emily’s breakfast…

Err.. it was supposed to be breakfast but she ate them when she got home from the gym hangry.

For the oats:

I made traditional zoats with one whole egg mixed in half way through and chia seeds. While that was cooking I sautéed a diced up McIntosh apple in some coconut oil until it was soft and added some of my Walden Farms Caramel sauce (which I sadly cannot even tolerate a taste anymore…damn stomach it’s so yummy) to coat them. Once the zoats were done, I mixed the apples into them + some raisins + caramel extract and cinnamon. Then I topped it with a lil bit more caramel and a spoonful of my Salted Caramel Nuts n’more peanut butter.

When I said Rita’s smelled good, this smelled drool worthy

I promise I didn’t slobber in your zoats Em, but I may have sniffed them more then once…

Finally, what was supposed to be her dinner..

IMG_8233

A steamer package ready to be baked. Wild sockeye salmon topped with basil pesto on top of some veggies. These steamer bags are bomb guys! This package went into the toaster oven and baked for a whole 20 minutes at 400 and bam it was done. Guess it’s lunch now for tomorrow with the roasted sweet tater I made to go along side it.

So yeah, chef Chelsea has put down her apron for the night, but I can’t say it won’t be put back on at least once more as I have 1/2 a jar of pumpkin left and it’s probably going to be bread-ified. 😀

oooorrrr maybe these guys because they look oh so oooey gooey..

03-IMG_1394

Here’s the recipe.

So yeah, I’m doing okay thus far. It’s tough, but I’m making it through. I posted on my instagram (follow me for all my foods!) that I hope to see some gains soon because I need something to grasp onto as far as postivity goes as the food increases continue.

I do have a confession to make though my friends. As much as I complained and complained that I was going to miss it dearly, I skipped out on my ice cream cheatmeal last week and I don’t know when I will be able to get that back going at this time. I’m sad because I do really enjoy it and I feel like I made a tiny bit of progress with it psychologically, but with the amount of food that I’m having now, I just can’t bring myself to have it. It’s too hard.

Instead, I ‘cheated’ last week with a saladbeast from Freshii on my new second restday after the farmers market with my housemates. Dare I mention that I felt bad for it because of the fact that I was eating out (ie. cheating in my mind) on a rest day.

Yes guys, I felt bad about a salad.

Bad enough that I had a wee bit of physical anxiety symptoms later that day.

It is what it is and it’s something to be worked on (the whole mental issues I still have with how I perceive food) I know this. One thing at a time.

On a more positive note to end of the night, is the beautiful addition to my desk that I treated myself to today because they were on sale at Metro.

IMG_8225

A mini orchid to brighten my days.

I hope you have had a great half of your week and are trekking forward to you weekend. Thank you for always being there to listen to my rambles and for being so supportive and positive. I want this journey to be an honest one and so you are going to see up’s and downs. In the end though, I will come out on top just you wait!

Oh and by the way Laura I have not forgotten about your request, I have just been too busy to type up your student grocery haul post. It is started, I just need to finish it. Promise it will be posted up soon! 🙂

What is the last thing you treated yourself to?

What should I make with my pumpkin leftovers?

-Chelsea