Lil Miss Fitness Freak

"And though she be but little, she is fierce"


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We Almost There Friends…Life Update

Life is busy busy busy my friends!

I’m two weeks away from being done my final placement for my degree (aside from starting with my future boss Andrea at Dietetic Directions) but there have been so many other things going on that I would love to update you on. Lets do that in pictures shall we because it means I can control my excessive talking.

yapping

1. First off, Happy Canada Day to all my Great White North friends! 

Penguins are my favvvv animal. What is yours?

Mukky and I went to the zoo yesterday…yes in the 40 degree heat wave…but it was amazing. He wanted to take me there as my birthday present and honestly it was the best thing. It was his first time and I just love going there!

We were exhausted by the time we left, that heat I love but man does it suck the life out of you (UV of 9 geesh!).

2. Speaking of Mukky..

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We celebrated our 6 month this weekend too! I honestly don’t even know how I was so lucky to have had him drop into my life (thanks Tinder :-P). He has been my rock and we got really close very fast. I cannot be happier. I love him like no one else and honestly I could have never made it through this tough year, medically, without him.

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He’s my world

3. We finally got to go canoeing…

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It was another first for him and aside from being unable to steer properly…I should have been in the front for better weight distribution…it was a lot of fun!

4. I had my Dragons Den Presentation and presented my thesis

This was our last class day and a summary of our hard work on a year long project (business project). Also, for those who were done, a showcase of our thesis research.

Don’t we look all spiffy?

My thesis was with my partner, Abby, and we were working at seeing if a foods lab course would improve upon food safety and skills and, as a result, lower convenience food consumption in 2nd year undergraduates. Although our results were not significant (we had a few biases in our subject pool and one issue with our data collection method), Abby felt that from a subjective standpoint, students appeared to improve, so maybe if the survey was fixed it would be better?

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I’m going to miss them. My class of 21 really became a family… #MANFam…. but I know that the friends I made here will last a long long time and they will all graduate to do amazing things!

Countdown to graduation is officially less than 2 months!

5. I had another job interview!

…..and I believe it went really well. It’s at a Chiro and Physio clinic and honestly it looks amazing so I’m crossing my fingers. It would nicely cap off as two part time positions and would be both seeing clients in the way I have dreamed.

6. I started an IGChannel.

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Video #2

I figured that this would be a fun platform for sharing information that wouldn’t be as energetically and time consuming as Youtube as I come into starting my career.

7. I have taught 2 classes…

At Langs, I have done the Intro To Diabetes and also another diabetes education talk at another the Cambridge Cardiac Centre and both went very well. I really love being able to do these types of presentations to the public and hope to incorporate things like that into my future career endeavours.

8. Medical update…

I think my hunt is finally over…I hope and pray. I survived through my second attempt at my procedure, barely, but it did come out with some results. Right than and there my doctor told me I had a tape worm..well actually a few. That was slightly shocking (have no idea where I would have gotten those…) but it made sense for many of my symptoms and for my lack of weight gain. Funny enough, many people have joked about that in the past.

I was given a hard single dose drug and hoped that would fix my issues.

I then received a phone call late the next week and he informed me that after taking a look at the biopsies done, I had colitis. Lymphocytic colitis to be exact and while they don’t know what the cause is, they had a guess that it was medications that I had been prescribed a long time ago after my diagnosis with GERD.

That one I didn’t handle well and I felt like I had a dark cloud over me for a day or two. The possibly that I can get rid of this completely is higher if it is the medication, as now I’m being medicated….again….and off those meds so it can heal BUT if that isn’t the case, it may be chronic and just management-based.

I really don’t want to live my life like this anymore. I don’t want to be looked at as frail by other people (who say some pretty nasty things sometimes when they don’t understand my situation) and just want to NOT feel sick anymore, but I’m trying to stay optimistic that this is my answer and it will be taken care of. My family and friends are very supportive and there to put me back in my positive headspace if I’m feeling overwhelmed but we going to get past this fam 🙂

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To end on a positive note…

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…this lil one had her birthday yesterday, mine is tomorrow and next weekend, as part two of celebrations for my birthday and Mukky and my anniversary, we have a nice Niagara hotel and falls trip booked. I’m so excited!

I hope you all have had a great long weekend and for those to the south of me, happy July 4th! 

-Chelsea

 


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Where the Sun Don’t Shine…

Hello again my friends. As promised I said I would come back and share my updated GI health story with you all…

Screen Shot 2018-04-04 at 1.54.04 PMIf you followed way back, you know for the longest time I had been dealing with GI issues. It wasn’t until a random conversation at the gym, that the idea of a parasite was brought up and I asked to be tested.

I came back positive…very positive

Blasto was his..their..name. And making my tummy miserable was their game.

I was treated. Twice.

Medical interventions for them buggers, well they suck.

As I had told you all afterwards, basically the treatment for parasites is a full on ‘death by meds’ to your gut flora. It doesn’t matter if they are useful or not, they will all be killed off. That was not pleasant, as they are integral for digestion and so I was left being unable to tolerate a lot of foods because I just couldn’t break them down like a normal person.

No veggies. No high fibre foods. No red meat. Careful with too much fat in one sitting…it goes on. And the award for the most “unhealthy” dietitian goes to…

The biggest sadness that came from that was the loss of some of my favourite foods…

My beloved oats were kicked to the curb after my stomach spazzed so hard that I almost passed out.

I still needed carbs. I’m an athlete and I’m also a notorious carb-burner. Everything became rice.

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Cream of rice replaced my precious oats.

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yesss to peanut butter not leaving my life…and yes I save that blob for last. Judge me.

I went through 5-6 bags of Lunderberg brown rice cakes a week because I used them as “easy on the tummy” carbs.

I learned to accept it and was content.

…Minus the lack of being able to go out. But hey, life sucks sometimes so I had to move on. 

I was under the impression that now my gut just had to heal, but I was very wrong.

Fast forward two years, I’m entering my Master’s program and probably the most school pressure and stress I will ever face, and here I was the sickest I have been since my eating disorder.

I knew there was something wrong. I have known the entire time but it was frustrating because the medical system would just yell at me for being underweight and say either…

~”gaining weight is hard, it may be uncomfortable.”

~You know we don’t normally treat parasites…” <- Really something is stealing my nutrients from my body and you don’t think thats an issue?

~”Maybe this is just “Chelsea”..Maybe this is just the way you are”

~Oh and just for shits and giggles…. “you’re so small. You have no blood” <- Bravo GI doc… 

Here I was trying my best to just eat my maintenance and I felt like every medical professional was against me. I told them I was bloated 24/7, felt full randomly all the time and just didn’t feel normal anymore and they didn’t listen.

“It’s just the past ED…”

It wasn’t until a few months ago where things got really bad.

Dumping syndrome (I will spare you the lovely details, go look it up if you would like to know..) began happening multiple times a week..

My iron levels and overall blood levels were falling through the floor

My electrolytes all fell

My last blood pressure check was 90/55 (today)

My kidney and liver function were compromised

And I just looked grey all the time. I still do because it hasn’t stopped yet. 

I had pretty much given up at this point but the doctors finally looked concerned and I began seeing them more than my friends, or it felt like it, but they did nothing except tell me I was a concern. As a last resort I sent out a message to my friend, Andrew, an NP and he ordered me the GI map test (basic sense, its a map of your entire gut biome, good and bad, plus other markers of gut health and stress).

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If you’re interested in the GI map, its $$$ but I wish everyone could get it, heres the link.

On top of some other critters, Blasto made his appearance once again along with a lovely sheet full of red markers stating I had SIBO (bacterial overgrowth), leaky gut (high zonulin levels), parastic pathogens AND the calprotectin signals that I should be checked for Inflammatory Bowel Disorder (IBD) and/or infection.

So I have the problem diagnosed right?!? They will believe me know right?!?

Wrong. Well at least from the MD side. My family doc didn’t even know how to read the fricken report.

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ND had a much more active approach. Andrew listened and gave me his parasite purging/ gut healing protocol.

I take a lot of supplements (especially right now, low absorption..) but I have never taken so many pills in my life.

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this x like 5 …

It is a liver support + parasite purge + gut healing protocol and I would be at it for about 6-8 months. So that was where I sat. MD continued to be useless until they scheduled me into a new Gastro doctor in Burlington.

So to a new GI I went, that was this past Saturday. Much nicer doctor and more open. He doesn’t think the parasite is my biggest concern but has put me in for a gastric emptying test and a colonoscopy for two weeks.

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*** Any friends reading this who sees me in two weeks..please do not be alarmed. Colonoscopies make me look like death after… ***

So, after a pretty emotionally draining weekend (thank god for my bf..honestly), I now get to wait. Wait for that horrible test and continue to feel the same way for two weeks.

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I’m frustrated that my emotions have been up and down, so I tell myself this on the daily

I’m not trying to sound whiny and complain but I have to admit that I’m a bit scared to say the least. I know I have to know but the test itself and the results scare me. Most say that they don’t think I have Crohns but the possibility is there.

Pun intended, that scares the shit out of me.

But we wait and until then, I will continue to keep doing me and staying busy because you know what? I need to do what I need to do. It will be good so I need to just move past it.

This is my journey of gut healing and I want to share this not for sympathy..

PLEASE PLEASE don’t think I’m sharing this to get an “I’m sorry you have to go through this.” Other people have things way worse to go through. I’m doing this, being vulnerable, because more people than ever have been having stomach issues and I hope this can reach them and if they have questions they can ask me or it can give them some idea on what things to ask their medical team. 

My goal is always to educate and relate. If I can help one person stand up for themselves and seek help and GET some relief, this post has served its purpose.

I will keep you updated my friends. Thank you for always having my back.

best


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Time To Think Rationally…Currently

Happy start of August my friends!

Hope all that had the day off on Monday enjoyed their long weekend!

So I just wanted to drop a line very briefly as we move into the next month on some of my gut stuff. The reason why I thought to do this was because I actually conquered a fear yesterday morning all in the name of gut happiness..

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Yes my friends. White rice.

Sounds silly to be afraid of white rice, but you see, I have been afraid of white rice for years now and can say that I haven’t touched the stuff since I was like 10.

Why? It’s pretty natural, so why be afraid?

~Processed

~Nutrient Void

~Simple carbs…ZOMG SUGAR!

~No Fiber

These are some of the many thoughts that I have believed for years all thanks to the media. So with that, I refused to eat it. Brown rice only!

To be honest, I don’t enjoy rice really (boring…) so that is also a reason why I don’t tend to eat it (I love my rice cakes though!) but with all of my gut struggles, it was time to really key in on some of my diet staples and some associations started to be formed.

My two hardest meals, where I now take those new digestive-aid pills (I talked about them here) is after my pre-workout and my dinner. Those are the meals that my stomach is often ready to put up a fuss that then lasts onwards either into the next morning, or throughout much of the morning and afternoon.

You know what is constant in both of those meals?

My bae (what do you think of this word? I actually kinda loathe it…)..

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Sweet taters. My beloved orange (or white or purple!) gems.

I have tried to be naive about it for so long because I just cannot fathom eating less of them then I do but I looked it up and they happen to be a somewhat high FODMAP food and are only supposed to be eaten in small doses.

Whats the tummy friendly amount for most?

1/2 a cup (or around 100g)

How much do I consume in one day normally…

ummm…maybe 300g…ooops. Well this is awkward.

Epic fail on my part. But it’s one of my main carbohydrate sources and since my carbs are high, well so is the amount of those. Seeing that, it would be no surprise to me if they are NOT helping with my tummy struggles.

So for the next week, I will be doing a white rice trial for all of my pre-workout meals to see how my tummy feels. Yesterday (1st day) it felt a bit crampy at first, probably because it wasn’t used to it, but then it was all good and actually I noticed less bloat so I hope that is what continues.

I will keep you updated.

….

So on this topic and going back to my ‘thoughts’ on white rice, I wanted to take this moment to address why those thoughts are irrational from both a gut health AND overall health perspective.

For gut purposes.

What foods do you eat when you’re sick? Rice. Plain. White. Rice. Yes, so it should be of no surprise that this should be easy on the tummy. White rice is a simple carbohydrate that doesn’t take the body much effort to digest and with that, less discomfort is often the result. So, as an alternative GF carbohydrate source that I need to digest quickly and not sit angrily in my stomach during my workout, this seems like a great choice…

…on paper that is…

Yes, on paper I can see that it’s a great option for me, especially during this time when apparently my stomach hates everything, but I also then have to battle the anxiety that has been created from those society driven beliefs that have kept me from this grain for so long.

So with that, here’s why eating white rice is NOT bad for you.

White rice and the body.

Th first thing that often comes to people’s mind is:

OMG simple carbohydrate, that means a sugar spike and insulin levels going crazy. Insulin means fat gain so therefore, no rice for you.

Plus, hello, it’s so high in carbs…

While white rice is a simple carbohydrate, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t or can’t eat it. Furthermore, it doesn’t mean that if you eat it you will get fat. There is a time and place for foods like this… I believe.

Explain…?

Okay, so it is true that white rice has been stripped of most of its nutrient properties during the processing procedure, which leaves it mostly being a source of starch and not much else. This loss of fibre is also what contributes to how quickly the body is able to digest it because fibre is ultimately one component that slows the breakdown and absorption of the carbohydrates. This then does have an effect on your blood sugar and therefore insulin levels as well.

sugar spike

That being said, who generally eats a bowl of white rice alone?

Often you are eating it with a protein source and quite possibly some vegetables, both of which slow digestion of the entire meal. So just because the rice no longer has the fibre in it, that doesn’t mean that it’s a blood sugar spiker in the context of a whole meal.

Make sense?

This is one of the various reasons why the glycemic index is flawed and shouldn’t really be considered when looking at the ‘health’ of a food item. The original study that looked into it had fasted subjects eat JUST those single food items, so yes, in those cases, things like white bread, white rice and potatoes would definitely have a larger effect on blood sugar than something richer in fibre, protein and fat.

Context people, context.

High-GI-vs-Low-GI-examples

So, will white rice make you fat? No. One, because no single food makes you instantly fat. Two, you eat it with other things which will have an effect on how the body handles it.

Check out this review for some info!

 “Thus while it is clear that combining foods does influence GI and that the addition of protein and fat to a carbohydrate containing meal can appreciably reduce the glycemic response (Venn & Green, 2007).”

It has been known for some time that insulin response cannot be predicted based solely on the glycemic response to a food (Venn & Green, 2007).”

So does that mean I can have white, processed stuff all the time?

Well I’m gunna say no on this point. While I’m arguing that white rice is not bad for you, it doesn’t have the nutrients that other grains and starch sources do. So looking at prioritizing nutrients here, for pre-workout or post workout when you are looking for something fast digesting and a good carbohydrate source, white rice is great. Elsewhere in the day, I would suggest using carbohydrates with a lil more staying power.

~Oatmeal

~Brown Rice

~Sweet potatoes

~Etc Etc

These have more fibre which will keep you satiated longer and therefore delay your next meal. One big reason why people may gain weight eating more processed foods is simply because they are hungry too quickly and end up OVER EATING and thus going over their daily calories.

Fibre. Protein. Fats. Water dense.

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These guys keep you full!

Furthermore, you have to have variety in your diet to get all of your required micronutrients (i.e. minerals and vitamins). Having white rice before my workout doesn’t change the fact that I still hit a high amount of fibre and get all my micros in a given day.

So with that I will wrap it up here. To conclude I will say that I’m happy to take this leap of faith and go against what society tells me about eating white rice. I will test and see how it works as a fuel for my workouts compared to the sweet potato and also how my stomach deals with the change.

Have a great week friends! 

-Chelsea


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But I’m Not Hungry…

But are you REALLY not hungry?

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My friends, a post I read the other day a la My Little Tablespoon struck something in me. It inspired me to discuss the topic of hunger signals because it has been something I have learned over time as well. Her post was quite interesting for me as it explains some of the weird things that come along with recovery. She spoke about how sometimes you feel as if you are back to being a child and feeling vulnerable and fragile. When you choose to move forward against the ED is when you feel fear like a child who is facing a monster.

You come to realize that as you grow you are bigger then that monster and have to use your voice and your strength to shrink the monster into the small bully it really is. It was quite the thought provoking read to say the least, so, Cora, I thank you for that.

The other thing that stood out to me was this line

I don’t get the typical physical hunger ques of a growling stomach, but I knew I was hungry because I was having the hardest time focusing and felt extremely lethargic.

Maybe this thought hit me harder because of what happened yesterday during my restaurant. Yes, hell day was yesterday (my groups day to run the restaurant at University) and although it turned out pretty good in the end, there was a hiccup for my own health that really just did not sit well with me.

So heres a quick run-down of yesterday.

You see, I’m not allowed to eat during service (i.e. between the hours of 10:30 and 2:30 basically). I asked my prof/chef about eating and he said if you ever need to step out then it’s fine but yet the one time a manager of the restaurant day sat down to have a quick bite after working away for like 7 hours, she immediately got harped at.

You know it doesn’t look good for a manager to be eating while others are working….

Basically us managers don’t eat until everything is done (despite everyone enjoying ‘staff meal’) and if you don’t get up now your mark will suffer. So after one bite and a flush of embarrassment across her face, she ran back in to the kitchen until shift was over which was more then an hour and half later.

This is what happened to me yesterday, except, those feelings of lethargy are so much stronger for someone who is underweight and I actually began to get concerned for myself. Long story short, I had been prepared, I did eat a meal before service (despite it being secretly done in the bathroom and woofed down so fast I don’t think my body recognized it was food..), but after running around the kitchen for 5 hours I was left feeling very hungry around normal staff meal time (1:30)…The hunger pangs stopped but then on came the light headedness and tunnel vision.

I need food, like now…

So this brings me back to the topic of hunger signals others then physical hunger feelings.

So yes, this may be an extreme example to start with to explain my thoughts on this topic, but it was just the other effects that occurred besides the actual hunger feelings that got me thinking about it.

So physical hunger aside, there are times that you think you’re not hungry but your body fails to agree. It is getting low in fuel and is ready for some food and if for some reason it can’t growl at you, other signs begin to surface that show a lack of sufficient energy.

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So what’s with the lack of physical hunger you ask?

In many cases of disordered eating or even dieting, natural hunger signals may become skewed or non-existent and thus cannot be something to rely on. For me, despite generally feeling that hunger almost always, there are times where I don’t feel hungry and instead, I just feel sleepy, unmotivated and unfocused. Often for me, that is the result of gas and such (sorry TMI) due to the increases in food and my IBS kicking up a fuss.

I used to wonder why I didn’t feel this insatiable hunger all day long on some days because I work out so hard. Now I know that perhaps my hunger cues still need time to come back around 100% in addition to the fact that my hunger may be masked by other things. I have also come to learn that there are other obvious cues that I need food and that I just need to be aware when they start to present themselves.

You don’t need the tummy grumblies to signal you to eat.

This hopefully isn’t a forever thing but unfortunately when you restrict at some point in your life, this throws your hormones off balance and thus those triggers may be absent. So instead, it becomes vital that you cue into your other signs in order to keep your body humming away. Some of these include:

Sudden tiredness

Tunnel vision

Unable to process information

Lack of concentration

Sudden irritability 

Sudden cravings

Feeling snacky

Etc.

Etc. 

I say time and time again, your body is smart. If your main cue of hunger is screwed up, your body comes up with other methods BUT most of us are just not in tune with our body enough or unaware that these are cues of hunger.

So what to do if your hunger cues are not so loud?

Listen to your body more. Sudden drops of blood sugar (aka I’m fasting right now and feeling hungry) can manifest themselves in those above symptoms. Try to practice and learn to dissect your feelings rather then waiting for hunger pangs. This takes time and practice, but becoming in tune with yourself will come.

Eat more often. If you’re on the go, have some snacks (remember balance! Not just a piece of fruit here unless you really have no other option) and eat one if you are coming on 3-4 hours after a meal unless  you’re stuffed.

Get on a schedule. I know this seems like a weird tip considering I just said to listen to your body but hear me out. If you have lost your hunger cues then a schedule may be what it takes to regulate your feeding enough for it to start to signal you again. If you actually get hunger signals then by all means EAT but when you are still in the stages of trying to regain your bodies natural patterns, you may need to consider this.

Finally, you need to be patient. Your body isn’t an elastic band that can just return back to normal. If disordered eating (or another disease/illness) had mad those signals silent, give your body some time to come back around. It needs a lil wine’in and dine’in before it will show you some love back.

So think about it. Do you always feel hunger or do you eat sometimes because you know you should?

This is important for me to know especially now that my stomach may put up a fuss more often due to the caloric increases so frequently.

What would you do if you had a very long class but wasn’t allowed to eat. Do you think that is right?

-Chelsea


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Support Makes You Strong

Trees.

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We see those huge, beautiful trees as something so strong. Something so proud. Something so rooted in its place in this earth.

Trees not only provide us with the breathes of life, but they also provide support for the many ecosystems that surround them.

You know what though?

A tree wouldn’t be able to serve those purposes if it wasn’t for the aid of the system around it.

It wouldn’t be around without the pollinators that spread those very seeds that brought it to life.

It wouldn’t be alive still without the microorganisms that break down organic materials to give it nourishment.

So if something that is the picture of strength and wisdom needs support to be able to keep thriving, why is it that when we ask for help we perceive ourselves as being weak?

Everyone needs support, whatever magnitude that may be. Asking for help NEVER signifies that you are incapable. Never says to others that you are a failure.

Sometimes, asking for help can make you one of the strongest people out there.

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So you may be asking yourself why the hell I’m rambling on about this. It’s pretty random.

Well I am random….

I’m also randomly bringing this up because it’s something that I have had to come to accept throughout my recovery process.

I never used to like asking for help. I’m an internalizer and so I tend to keep my thoughts, worries, conflicts, etc to myself because I feel like they were my own issues to deal with

Why burden someone else with my problems if ….

…they only affect me…

The problem with that statement is two fold.

For one, I have associated negativity with the love, comfort and support that another person can give to me. Basically,  I felt as if providing me with support was some sort of favour they were doing for me or that they felt pity on me so they would do it not because they wanted to, but because they felt compelled to.

I have come to realize that this is not true. People don’t want to see you struggle. I have this urge in my self to speak up and help others if I feel I can in any way. I think sometimes I should refrain as I may be overstepping my boundaries, but the point is that we don’t like to see others hurt or stuck in a state of confusion if they don’t have to be.

The second issue is that second part. “It only affects me.” This is far from the truth because if you are struggling, the chances are that it will negatively impact anything further you try to do because you are occupied. You’re stuck either dwelling on something, hurting or just not knowing what move to make next. This inevitably affects not only you but anything else you try to do and anyone else you try to interact with.

So what does all of of this have to do with recovery?

I think that this is an important lesson for everyone to learn, regardless of their struggles in life…

You must learn and accept that one has be vulnerable in order to grow as a person.

But this vulnerability becomes even more important during recovery as you have to come to the realization that sometimes you’re just too tired to keep fighting and it’s in those moments where ED feels that he can creep back in a take you back.

It is in those instances where you need to ask yourself…

Does strength mean risking my recovery because I should be able to continue to fight when I’m completely mentally exhausted?

Or

Does strength mean admitting to someone else that you are having a rough time and just need a lil bit of support so that you can re-charge and blast forward once again?

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I know what my answer would be, what is yours?

 Linking up once again to Julia’s…

recovery-round-up-lord-still-loves-me-link-up…on this cold ‘gah it’s officially winter’ Monday.

Thank you so much to Julia for hosting such a positive and helpful resource partaay.

Have a great start to your week friends!

When was the last time you asked for support? this weekend when I ranted on discussed my struggles this week with body image with my Mom.

Who is your go-to? My Mom ❤

-Chelsea


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Recovery Means Breaking Rules

My Friends,

I wanted to join into a new link up party hosted by the lovely Julia over at Lord Still Loves Me because I love the message that she is trying to put forth.

The idea that Eating Disorders are nothing to be ashamed of.

They are nothing we should be afraid to talk about or embarrassed to admit that they have impacted our lives in any way, shape or form.

The truth is that they are an event. A horrible event mind you, but a point in our lives that challenged us.

This challenge though made us into who were are today, which is a person who is stronger and a person who hopefully sees and experiences life in a much more positive way because they have had some demons to face and squash.

So with that, here is my first entry into the link up party

recovery-round-up-lord-still-loves-me-link-up

Thanks to Julia for starting it up and letting it be a safe space for all to share about their experiences that can include anything from triumphs, to challenges, to fears to breakthroughs.

Much love to everyone who joined into the party and to everyone reading these posts

This morning I broke a rule….

I broke a rule that ED had told me to never break.

Under the requirements of my nutrition increase, my coach added a whole tbsp and a half of extra nut butter to my breakfast on my training days.

A TABLESPOON AND A HALF.

Take that as you will, but for me this was a very scary thing despite loving all things nut butter.

I preach that fats are good for you (because they are!). I preach that everyone needs fats (which you do!) and that you shouldn’t be afraid of the ol’ saying:

Fat makes you fat.

Because it’s not true.

But I myself still struggle with how much I take in as well to be completely honest.

Not only did I have to deal with the very large increase (in my mind) but I also had to get past that pesky rule that holds me back…

You are allowed 2 tbsp tops on any given day..

Of course, less is always better because I can’t have you enjoying yourself too much…ED says with pleasure.

Do I know where this rule originated from?

No.

I know that one serving of nut butter is set as 2 tbsp but I don’t know how that got attached to a daily serving in my head.

Either way, it was (and will continue to be for now on) something I had to tackle this morning.

Info Tidbit: I have 1 tbsp + 1tsp in my ‘midnight snack’ every night and generally only 1/2 a tbsp in my oats in the morning. So jumping to 2tbsp in my oats alone is quite a leap for me.

I had to be strong enough to break that rule

Even if it meant mixing in the extra (which I NEVER DO because I like to eat it last) to hide it from myself, I had to try to get past it.

If I’m being completely honest once again, I only managed to add half more of what I was required to this morning but I have to cheer for myself for the fact that I still broke that rule and did make baby steps into conquering that fear.

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Tomorrow is a new morning and I’m determined to take on the full amount.

Recovery isn’t about being perfect. Recovery is like a pond of stepping stones. The distance between the stones may be different (i.e. the challenges we face may be more or less tough mentally and physically) which means that getting from one stone to the next may take more or less time BUT with each leap of faith, we are one step further into a place of freedom and happiness.

….One tbsp of nut butter at a time….

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Thanks for all of your continued support and love my family

Eating disorder related or not (as I hope many of your don’t go through one!), what is one rule you want to be able to break or one that you have broken (yay you!)?

-Chelsea