So this is a “Chelsea spills her thoughts on paper” type of post. So hang on, things are going to get all personal and rambly.
Then again, this topic is something that everyone can relate to I’m sure, so start up some good discussions in the comments if you feel like chimmin in. 🙂
So the dating pool…
What’s that again?
No I’m not an old divorcee who is jumping back into the dating realm after 20+ years of marriage but I did have quite the departure from the ‘game’ after being in a 5 year relationship and I have to say the idea of dating still sounds weird coming out of my mouth.
Never mind that, it took me a bit to refer to myself as single after my previous relationship came to a close.
It wasn’t that my relationship ended in a horrible manner that left me scarred or anything. No. Quite the opposite actually. Although it was a rough last few months as my ex and I both came to the conclusion that we were just too different to ‘romantically click’ in the long run, we parted ways knowing a solid friendship and a deep love for each other would always remain.
So I accepted the fact that it was not meant to be.
I was okay with that.
I accepted the fact that I wasn’t in a relationship anymore.
I was okay with that too.
In fact, I was intrigued at how my new self would be as I had grown so much as a person since I was last flyin’ solo.
To be clear, it wasn’t my relationship alone that all of a sudden brought me out of my highly self conscious shell. It was my time to really come to know myself (that early twenties phase) and see what I could do. I will say in full confidence that my ex did show me that I could be and deserved to be loved and that it was huge for me at that time.
My confidence sky rocketed over those 5 years. I am no longer afraid to speak to new people. I can confidently walk right into a group of random people and start a conversation without embarrassment or worry of judgement. I can state my opinion without fear and lead a group without much thought.
I’m quite proud of this new Chelsea and her abilities.
I’m proud that she is strong and she knows what she wants.
So, this leaves me wondering why it took me so long to come back and confidently say that I was back in that dating pool ready to mingle.
Why was I hesitant to say that I was single?
Honestly, I really have no idea. I wonder if my self-conscious pre-university self peeked back out to whisper bad thoughts like:
Will anyone want to love me again?
Isn’t it weird how we can go from one extreme to the next in our minds?
You swing from….I love my new found confident self because I’m more sure of myself then I have ever been. It really allows for me to go for the things I want because I feel I CAN actually achieve them. This leaves me very interested in how I will fare in new relationships…
Why is no one interested in me? Maybe I don’t try hard enough or put enough effort into my appearance anymore so I’m not attractive enough to be asked out again.
It’s sad how it always comes back around to thinking there is something wrong with yourself which is not the case. Thinking is the key word there. You think but that’s not reality.
When you think about something too much or search for it, it won’t come. Let it come to you when the time is right.
I believe that I have come to understand that point now, but I will sadly admit to having moments of what’s written above.
If you ever find yourself asking yourself those things, stop those thoughts and replace it with how you’re taking this time to grow your own self and love YOU more then you ever have.
Only once you love yourself, can you love and be loved by someone else. Agree or disagree, I truly believe that to be true.
Okay, so I think I have gotten past that awkward “just gotten out of a long term relationship” phase and came to the conclusion that dating was an option. I also came to realize once again that if you don’t find someone right when you’re ready again that it’s okay. Instead, fuel that energy into doing the things you love and be a lil bit selfish while you are single.
So why is my mind still a mental clusterfu**?
Well you see I started having other doubts in myself as a result of a recent friendship turned exploration turned back to friends (I hope…). This experience lead me to worry about…
Am I too intimidating?
Sounds like a weird thing to say, and I have to say that I feel weird writing that here but it was actually a concern that crossed my mind.
Could this new found confidence that I have come to love so much about myself be scary for guys?
After having a chatter with my Mom, I have come to the conclusion that the answer here is no.
If there is something I love about myself, I should never feel as if it will stop me from finding a companion who will also love that thing about me. I have never been so confident and happy with myself then I am now so why should I ever, ever feel as if that is a bad thing or a turn off.
I cannot feel bad if a female who is assertive and says what she wants freaks some guys out. Apparently they are just not right for me.
I now know that a person for me is one who is mature and sure of themselves so that I don’t feel as if I’m walking all over them. What I mean by that is that I don’t like to be the only one with an opinion. Don’t be afraid to state what is true to you, don’t just agree with me 100% of the time because you’re afraid to think something different then me.
I also know, and have known for a while, that I need someone who has a good sense of what they want to do with their life. No you don’t need your 30 year plan written out in stone, but have some goals you’re working towards. I want someone whose driven and not still in that phase of hanging around without a care and watching life pass them by.
Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry if this post was scrambled. My head is forever scrambled HA! I tried my best to keep it flowin.
What are your thoughts?