So it’s almost the weekend and I’m feeling rambly…no shocker there as I’m always one to chatter ;-). I had an ‘interesting’ weekend I guess you could say and it got me thinking about things I am wanting to do in the near future. Another thing that has been on my mind lately is my own happiness. I was asked if I was truly happy or just living life comfortably in routine and that is what is keeping my content.
Being content is not really happiness is it…?
I have thought about this a lot and on multiple occasions it has struck me that maybe I am stuck in a bit of a rut. To be honest, most of my days just kind of pass along because with two jobs, you are generally always on the go. This is NOT to say that I don’t like my jobs, I do. More importantly, I love the people that I work with!
- Foodie talk with Lisa during my close shift at the gym
- Meathead ramblings with my fellow trainers
- Meeting some of the nicest customers at GoodnessMe! who take the time to learn and take care of their bodies health
- Seeing the gratitude from offering your services (recipe ideas, fitness tips, etc)
- Gathering around a big ol’ table at our GoodnessMe! Xmas party laughing and opening secret Santa gifts
Instead, I have the urge to say that it’s because I don’t have enough ME time. Then again, I don’t think that is it either. When I think about it, I do have ME time. Those spare moments in my days are spent…
- Gymin in up in the early mornings when others are still snoozin (one of the best parts of my day!)
- Trying out new recipes
- Cooking in general
- Training clients
- Sleeping (naps if I get the chance)…this is sad but I’m quite happy if I get a 30min nap a few times a week
- Time with Andre if he’s home
Maybe I’m just run down. This is entirely possible..well, maybe as a piece of that puzzle, but not all. There are a couple things that I know for a fact are making me feel less than 100%. The big one right now (and it’s my own fault for not finding enough space to get into the clinic!) is these stomach issues. I’m starting to forget what normal feels like and that’s not, well, normal. Another issue that TOTALLY contributes to this run down feeling…and is once again 100% my own fault…is not getting enough sleep. Running on 5 hours every day consistently is not doing me any favours.
- It will have an effect on my ability to recover from my heavy workouts ( I felt this last week where 2-3 days following my bis and tris workout…yes arms!.. I still felt like I did walking out of the gym following that workout.)
- It will affect my ability to concentrate, think clearly..even form proper sentences
- Makes me sluggish
- Makes everything you do 10x harder and requiring more effort
- Can’t be helping my body fight these stomach things
- Makes me moody
So maybe I am comfortable. Now that I’m saying that, I’m really hatin on that word right now. I know that I am one to easily fall into routine and that is not always a good thing. It’s very hard for me to steer away from what I am used to. Maybe it’s laziness. Maybe it’s fear. Or maybe it’s just because it’s my own way of controlling something in my life when other things feel slightly out of my control. As of right now, I don’t know what’s wrong with my digestion (daily stress #1) and that leaves me always thinking about whether it’s worth it to do something out of the ordinary as it could mess it up more. Two, my body is still not letting me put on weight despite my continuous caloric increases and seeing a nutritionist. I have many loved ones who are constantly concerned about my health because of it (stress #2).
These two things mentally exhausting all on their own which I suppose gives me a running start on the stress-o-meter on the daily. Basically what that means is that any additional stress or ‘out of control’ thing will feel much larger than it really should leaving me more run down than I should be.
How sad is that?
So I need to fix some things obviously. I need to help myself as much as I can to keep those icky feelings at bay so that maybe, just maybe, I can stop using the word content and start using the word happy.
So that leaves us with my first few of my December goals
- Doctors, doctors and more doctors to figure out what the heck is wrong with my digestion. I love the drs. office…not. This is a HUGE one as it is basically running my life right now.
- Do new things. Step out of my routine. This one will be challenging (spontaneity is not my strong point obviously) but it needs to be done! Christmas back at home will be one of these down.
- Socialize more! This seems really sad yes, but I have tried to arrange times with my many of friends to meet up in the evenings and NONE of these attempts have panned out. Yes zilch. When this constantly happens I start to get that feeling of loneliness and that needs to change. I know it’s exam time for many but I really think seeing a few beautiful friend faces will turn my frown upside down.
So those are very important but there are also some other goals that I have to address. First, I mentioned that I was thinking about my future as well. I know what I want to do (Dietetics) its now just the time to set my sights on schools, which, is actually fairly easy as there are only 3 in Ontario that offer nutrition based undergraduate programs: Western (Brescia specifically), Guelph and Ryerson. Guelph is very appealing to me but is that only because it’s close to where I live now? Again, fear of change perhaps?. Ryerson on the other hand appears to offer quite an interesting double major…
Nutrition and Kinesiology.
Diet and exercise sciences. The best of both worlds! This could be really great for me and is definitely something I should consider if I ever want to work with athletes.
So related goals to this thought stream…
- Apply for OSAP (help my parents out a tad)
- Fill out transfer credit applications (I should be able to start as a 3rd year undergrad with my BSc. degree rather than a 1st year)
Another set of goals are associated with my personal trainer job at the Pulse. These were goals that my director and I discussed and I have to say I have been slacking on them despite their deadline being Christmas and the fact that I actually want to accomplish them.
- Read and summarize the periodization manual (this could help with my own workouts + clients)
- Have 3 long term clients (10+ sessions). Hmmm…I don’t think this one will happen. I have one continuous client but no other bites as of yet (exception I may have one for early next year)
- Learn and be able to teach 3 new exercises. I knew I wanted to learn proper deadlift and hip thrust technique (yes I have been gymin it up for this long and have yet to get deadlifts down..shameful). I’m currently working at Romanian deadlifts with dumbbells as my small hands present a major issue for grippage. I have also asked a fellow workout buff for a demo on hip thrusts but I have yet to touch on the last one as I’m still not 100% sure what I want to learn.
So there are all my goals for this month and into the new year. In general, I hope that in the new year I can break out of my “What’s new with you? Just workin…” rut and actually be workin some fun stuff into my life more. There is one last thing that I have been thinkin about for a while but I’m a lil nervous to do. Again these nerves come from fear BUT this time, it’s fear of the pain…
This is a symbol for Acceptance of Optimal Health. The symbol itself is said to be a Zibu, or Angelic symbol and represents:
Breathe life into your body and envision it as the healthy temple it is intended to be. See yourself as a thriving being.
The words this symbol express just kinda stuck with me as something I want to work towards. The relationship I have with my own skin has never really been rays of sunshine and despite thriving to live (through diet and fitness) as if my body is my temple, mentally I think I still hate on it too much. I want to love it, love myself, and love what it allows me to do. I want to see it in a positive light. Hopefully, that day will come.
All that being said, I am now very much considering getting inked for the 3rd time. Specifically I have my heart set on the ribs, which is where the nerves come from as that is supposed to be one of the top 3 most tender areas to get tatted up on. Ouch. Someone hold my hand please!
Do you have any tattoos?
Do you have any goals for December? The new year?
What’s one thing you do to show self love?